Jumping off the edge

  I think a lot of people, especially creatives, go through a life experience that makes them think– what’s the worst that could happen, pursuing their passion? 

A lot of us get stuck in a phase of procrastination. Researching, more researching, being afraid of judgement or letting our perfectionism get in the way. And for those of us who need a little extra push past those barriers, it might be something life altering that gives us the courage to finally jump off the edge. 

I wouldn’t define my life as stable, and I thought if I worked hard enough, got the “right” job, that it would be. And while at some point that would probably eventually be true, how happy would I truly be then? If my soul says, (and forgive me for the melodrama but there’s no light way of putting this) that my purpose on Earth is to create, how can I ignore that? If I keep putting off my goals for something stable and sustainable for me, how will I ever achieve what I want? I had this idea in my head that I had to fit myself into a box, work a 9-5, run myself into the ground and dig a hole to financial freedom… so far, that’s not working. I’m probably closer to figuring out how to dig a hole to China than I am to feeling stress free and stable—and that’s when I started to realize: my dreams might have a chance of being more realistic for me than the societal norm I was raised to chase.

Speaking of 9-5… I’ve reached a point of unhappiness at every job I’ve had, and granted, I know a lot of people do. But there’s layers to it when it comes to navigating workspaces as a neurodivergent person with health conditions. The cycle goes as follows: I consistently push myself beyond my physical and emotional capabilities while keeping a mask on so I can smile and wave through it, and before I know it I’ve run out of energy to do the things that make me happy just so I can over perform at work. I then get severely frustrated and depressed and have to expend even more energy just to keep surviving until I feel like I’m going to crash. But one thing about me: I don’t know when to quit, even when it means I start sacrificing my own wellbeing. Start this cycle over from the beginning– that’s just pushing and pushing without rest or release. That’s me zombifying myself. And that is not how I want to live the rest of my life. 

So it was with great passion, and a little bit of fear at not knowing how much longer I can continue at the rate I’m going, that I decided I needed to finally jump off the edge. I needed to finally believe in myself and put my all into my real goals and wants in life. I need to let myself do what truly makes me happy. And thus, I stopped making excuses and made this website.

I’m now putting it all out there and hoping that my art and story resonates with people. I’m so excited to share the processes and emotions behind everything and show the “heart” behind it all. Cheers to the start of this journey, I hope y’all stick around 🥂✨